MUCH ADO AT MIDNIGHT

Inspired by MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING by William Shakespeare 


MUCH ADO AT MIDNIGHT

A Comedy in Five Acts, in the spirit of "Much Ado About Nothing"

Dramatis Personae

  • Lord Lucio – A witty nobleman of Verona

  • Lady Arabella – His verbal sparring partner and secret admirer

  • Sir Miles – A bumbling but well-meaning suitor

  • Lady Cressida – Cousin to Arabella, recently returned from Milan

  • Master Trillo – A comically pompous constable

  • Mistress Lettice – His equally confused deputy

  • Duke Elsinore – A grand figure, presiding over courtly festivities

  • Balthazar – A melancholic bard

  • Rosaline – A sharp-tongued maid of Arabella

  • Messengers, Pages, Watchmen, Musicians

ACT I – Of Words and Wagers

Scene I: A sunlit courtyard in Verona. Laughter and chatter.

Enter LORD LUCIO and SIR MILES.

LUCI0:
The tongue, good Miles, is sharper than thy blade.
And Lady Arabella, she doth wield hers like a knight.

SIR MILES:
Yet she smiles on me not once, nor twice.
Perchance her tongue doth chase away her heart.

LUCI0:
Nay, her heart hides behind that tongue like a child behind curtains.

Scene II: Lady Arabella and Lady Cressida, walking.

ARABELLA:
Lucio speaks and all the flowers do wilt from pride.
His words are perfume'd daggers, sweet yet sharp.

CRESSIDA:
Yet still thou blushest when he calls thee bold.

ARABELLA:
I blush for Verona's lack of better wit.

CRESSIDA:
Admit it plain—he charms thy heart despite thy wit's protests.

ARABELLA:
My wit protests too much, methinks.

ACT II – Mismatched and Misled

Scene I: A masked ball. Dancing and disguise.

DUKE ELSINORE:
Let mirth rule the night, let none speak truth till dawn!

Mistaken identities abound. Lucio woos Arabella, thinking her Cressida; Arabella plays along.

LUCI0 (masked):
A rose by mask doth smell no less sweet.

ARABELLA (masked):
And a fool by moonlight doth seem near a poet.

LUCI0:
Yet if thou be Cressida, let me speak plain: I love another.

ARABELLA (aside):
He loves me, thinking me not me? This jest hath bite.

Scene II: Trillo and Lettice patrol the gardens.

TRILLO:
Mark me, this shrub moves like a thief.

LETTICE:
'Tis the wind, or else an owl with two left feet.

TRILLO:
Then we must charge the wind with vagrancy.

ACT III – Plots and Parodies

Scene I: Lucio and Miles plot to trick Arabella into love.

LUCI0:
She claims disdain, but listens close.
We'll drop false whispers where her ear may catch them.

SIR MILES:
I'll plant tales like roses, thorny with affection.

Scene II: Arabella overhears false gossip planted by Lucio.

CRESSIDA (aloud to no one):
How Lucio sighs, yet dares not speak to Arabella!

ROSALINE (joining in):
He pins her portrait to his chamber wall and nightly prays.

ARABELLA (aside):
Does he love me, and fear my scorn? Fie, my tongue! Be still.

Scene III: Balthazar sings a melancholy ballad.

BALTHAZAR (singing):
Love is a thief in golden shoes,
He dances light, but steals and flees.
He takes the wit from merry fools,
And leaves wise maids upon their knees.

ACT IV – Revelations and Reversals

Scene I: Sir Miles declares love for Cressida.

SIR MILES:
My heart, though clumsy, doth beat true.

CRESSIDA:
And I shall take it, wrapped in thy clumsy words.

SIR MILES:
Let me fumble through life with thee by my side.

Scene II: Trillo arrests a tree and interrogates a goat.

TRILLO:
Confess, shrubbery! What news from the east wall?

LETTICE:
Methinks it is silent from guilt.

TRILLO:
Aye, silence doth betray more than speech. To jail with it!

Scene III: Lucio writes a sonnet, badly.

LUCI0 (reading):
"O Arabella, thy brow like bread,
Upon which I could butter love and dread..."

BALTHAZAR:
That rhyme is crueler than war.

ACT V – Much Joy About Something

Scene I: Arabella and Lucio finally speak true.

ARABELLA:
Had I but known thy tongue did serve thy heart...

LUCI0:
I feared my jest might lose me thy regard.

ARABELLA:
Then let us jest as lovers do—with truth and mirth.

LUCI0:
For every barb I threw, I stitched my heart into the wound.

Scene II: A grand wedding. Laughter and music.

DUKE ELSINORE:
Let Verona remember this night, where wit met love, and all was well.

BALTHAZAR (singing):
Strike the lute, and pipe the tune,
Let none go home by light of moon.
For hearts are wed, and jest is done,
Much joy hath passed, and just begun!

ALL:
Long live love, and long live laughter!

[Exeunt to music and dance.]

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